Off the Wall: Coronaries and coronations

Off the Wall is your weekly dose of all that is good and right beyond the Major League Baseball box score. But no WAR, nothing average, just the stuff that makes a grueling, heartbreaking, adrenaline-pumping 162-game schedule worth our while every year.

Shall we?

This week in amazing:

• Dodgers' Yasiel Puig predicted his first home run with a cricket bat flip in Australia

• The San Francisco Giants leaked their new commercials

• Pirates outfielder Andrew McCutchen can imitate Derek Jeter as well as Derek Jeter

• New Yankees Carlos Beltran disguised himself as a lion to take his family to Busch Gardens

• A young fan at Sydney Cricket Grounds threw a major foul ball tantrum

• Cubs pitcher Carlos Villanueva won spring's Most Valuable Moustache

• Legendary Dodgers broadcaster Vin Scully met a koala bear

Extra innings:

D-backs speak to our hearts

Forget everything you think you know about traditional ballpark fare. It's not that you're wrong, it's that you'll need the extra space in your brain to try and process what exactly the Arizona Diamondbacks are doing this season at the Chase Field concession stands.

The D-Bat Dog is an 18-inch corn dog stuffed with cheddar cheese, jalapenos and bacon, and served with a side of fries. It's a $25 artery-clogging delicacy.

"This is really about providing our fans with new options each year, and in the case of some of our larger items, it's really about sharing with the family," team president and CEO Derrick Hall said to ESPN.

"We don't have any expectations for the D-Bat, but we'll look forward to seeing if it becomes popular with our fans. Every night for us is a successful night because we offer the most affordable food prices in all of baseball."

Fact: Chase Field offers a value menu, where you can order $1 treats to your heart's content. Very affordable. Don't wince at the $25 D-Bat dog, because you've got bacon/japaleno-less options at your disposal.

Fact: If you divide the 18-inch D-Bat dog into three, $8.33 each doesn't really seem all that bad for a sharing platter among friends. And dividing the massive dog cuts your heart problems down by two-thirds. Think about it. That's real value. And real friendship.

Josh Donaldson goes to tarp therapy

Oakland A's third baseman Josh Donaldson made a tremendous catch last season, sliding over the tarp at the Coliseum (and somehow emerging without a horrific injury).

It made highlight reels everywhere, but it's left a lasting impression on Donaldson, too. He's been seeing a therapist, because some tarps aren't so easily abused.

Let this serve as a lesson to us all - don't just walk away from your feelings.

[Courtesy MLB.com]

Lorde is finally a Royal

New Zealand songstress Lorde recently live tweeted the intensity of a Chicago Bulls game, admitting she's "such an outsider to the world of sport," but she wrote her Grammy Award-winning song "Royals" after seeing a photo of a man wearing a Kansas City Royals jersey and signing baseballs. 

When the 17-year-old performed in Kansas City this past week, the man who inspired the song, Hall of Famer George Brett, had a gift waiting for her.

Signed, "Lorde: You are Royal to me."